my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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