weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Non-Jews are for practice
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
