so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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