What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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