do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
