He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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