i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
