I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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