No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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