theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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