So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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