Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
