I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
