I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
