I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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