Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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