you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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