The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How naked do you want me to be?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
