i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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