Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
