I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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