She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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