Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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