I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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