summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
