Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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