Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize