my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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