i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
