Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
wanna go halves on a baby?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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