we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
