I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize