Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
