Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why can't burritos get me drunk
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
