My room smells like vodka and shame
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
