i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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