Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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