HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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