You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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