I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
