i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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