Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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