Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
