We got so high we made milksteak
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
