My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
