Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
