He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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