I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
