remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
