can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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