id be glad to
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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