What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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