Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
