just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
