So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
