no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize