why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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