fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
