Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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