i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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