Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
