Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize