We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
