I wish life had little blips of pornography
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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