And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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