Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
