i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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