it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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