I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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