The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
