I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
