OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
