matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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