So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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