I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
