WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
