At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
