then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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