I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
