Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
