how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
