If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
God I need to hump something, right now.
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