I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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