I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im calling her cock vulture from now on
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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