Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
