I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My feet surprised me
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