The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she smelled like a LAN party
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
