ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
