so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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