and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
