I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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