I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize