I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
