Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
