I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
