dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
