if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
