I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I believe in your delicious
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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