all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
