Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
