She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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