she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
