I accidentally burped into my bong.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
