dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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