I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
