No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
