I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
