I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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