franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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