girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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