I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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