she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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